Sugar is the Devil

Posted by Splashfit on January 9, 2017
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The week before Christmas was an absolute food hell for me. There were several times that I had to ponder just how many burpees would I need to suffer through in order to burn off the dozen Christmas cookies that I inhaled before breakfast? 

I applaud those individuals who can maintain a healthy relationship with sugar. I am NOT one of them. 

So, as perpetual dieters and fitness addicts are wont to do, I vowed, after Christmas,  no more sugar. I packed that shit up, carted it over the mountains and sent it home with my kids. You might think that would be enough to rid me of this blight on my health, and for the most part, it was helpful. But, and it’s a really big but,  even though I tried to be thorough with my sugar purge, dark temptations linger in the corners of my cupboards and pantry. 

So, while I am definitely coming out of the holiday sugar coma, I have had a few slip ups.  Why did I have to keep those chocolate dipped marshmallows and pretzels?   I worked so hard to make them.  I couldn’t possibly just toss them in the rubbish bin, or could I? 

Slip ups aside, I am easing away from poor choices, and making a concerted effort to eat whole healthy foods. 

I really do love my new gym, and I have been spending a fair amount of time working it,  which goes a long way towards boosting my mood and ramping up my fitness level. Unfortunately,  you cannot out train a bad diet. 

I originally started this blog, because as a trained fitness professional who had struggled and overcome the battle of the bulge, I thought perhaps my experience could be helpful to others who also struggle.   Right now, I feel like I am the one struggling who needs help. This is raw. This is real. No facade, no persona, just a flawed human trying to be better. 

I have a lot of knowledge,  and yet I have no answers. The one thing I do know for certain,  I am building a fire of desire. Just for today, I will exercise, I will try to eat whole healthy foods, I will use food to fuel my body, and I will try to NOT use food as a drug.

The Struggle is Real

Posted by Splashfit on December 19, 2016
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I feel myself sinking lower. I am being swallowed alive, devoured completely; the candle still burns, but the wind is strong and threatens to snuff it out. Holidays,  grief, and depression are a dangerous mix. I have been fighting to stay above water, to keep the fire and hope burning, and I just feel so let down. 

The isolation and loneliness of living in the country away from friends and family is especially difficult during the holidays.  I have done everything I know how to do.  I invited absolutely everyone that I know to a Christmas party. 3 people came.  Don’t get me wrong,  I am excruciatingly grateful for those three people,  but this begs the question,  what the hell is wrong with me? Why can I not seem to connect with other human beings when I want and need that with every fiber of my being. Seriously,  what the fuck? 

Perhaps I appear too eager,  my isolation has made me desperate for human companionship. I don’t really know, but I can say that it feels like rejection. I know how the kid feels who has nobody come to their birthday party. It sucks. The desire and ability to make healthy choices is gone right out the window. Pass me another effing cookie. 

I have a beautiful gym in a beautiful new home, and I am struggling.  It is especially tough…. this alleged Crossfit community phenomenon,  I drove an hour each way several times a week for over two years.  I thought I belonged.  I thought I  was a part of something.  But this is the second time I have invited everyone from the box to my home and the second time nobody has come. 

I realize that I am stuck in the middle of a gigantic pity party,  and it is a bit embarrassing,  but it is real. I’m here, it hurts, and I feel stuck. 

I promise to work out today. I will try to avoid the mountains of leftover party food surrounding me. I will try to make healthy choices.  I will try to be kind to myself. 

There have been many years in my life that making healthy choices has been easy. There have also been years in my life that have been a struggle.  For me today, I still have some fight left in me, but the struggle is real.

Choosing to Wait.

Posted by Splashfit on March 15, 2016
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cabo crossfitThe 2016 Crossfit Open is well under way. When I declined to compete during 2015’s Open competition, I fully believed that this would be my year. A lot can happen in a year.

Over this past year, I watched someone that I loved deeply, slowly wither and die. Death and dying can be  a nasty ugly bitch.  I have been consumed with grief, guilt, and PTSD, and it has been paralyzing.

In the last months leading to my Grandmother’s passing, her care required 24/7 monitoring. I could not leave the house unless I hired someone to stay and care for her. I tried to keep the ladies fitness group going, but I could not find reliable help, and I had to put the group on hiatus.

In anticipation of the awesome workout room in the new house we are building, I have been slowly amassing gym equipment. This allowed me to keep some semblance of fitness during a tough time, and my drive and motivation were still quite strong until just 5 months ago when my Grandmother left this world.

gymstuff

Her leaving was not peaceful. It was not calm. Her last months were filled with anxiety, confusion, and dementia induced difficulties.  It wasn’t any easier watching the distant family members show up and grope and grab and lay claim to my precious Grandmother’s belongings.

To say that this event caused dramatic changes in my life would be an understatement. In one day, I not only lost my beloved Grandmother, but my job and what had been my home for the past five years.

The emotional abyss has been consuming. I have been fighting to rise above it all , but just one month ago, I lost my dog. Again, pile on the grief. If I was Rich Froning, I would no doubt be able to utilize this pain and sadness to become even more badass; however, I am a mere mortal, and a middle aged one at that. I have lost fitness. I have lost my motivation. I have become soft.

Sign ups for the 2016 Open came and went. As I could barely muster the motivation to tackle the 2 hour round trip drive to the box for a mere WOD (workout of the day), I chose once again, to wait.

Time takes time and I don’t think that there is one correct formula for when a person will emerge from the shroud of grief. Truthfully, I am not there yet; however, I am seeing glimmers of light through the fog that dominates my days.

Which brings me back to Crossfit, back to my beloved box, and “Fat Jackie”. It is not unusual for me to attempt the WOD’s at home. The 2 hours of driving really sucks. On Thursday, my box put up a 15 minute AMRAP of Jackie. I have been wallowing in self loathing and finally, this was a little nugget to pluck me from the jaws of despair.

I grabbed my barbell… hung the pullup bar in the doorjamb, and got down the rowing machine. In for a penny…. in for a pound. A year ago, I had worked diligently and could go unbroken for the fifty ass breaking thrusters that comprise the middle element of the sweet little triplet also known as Jackie. On Thursday, I had to put the barbell down after a mere ten repetitions. Ugggggh. So, I broke it up… but I did the work, and something subtle happened. I felt better. It is no surprise that I felt better physically, but I also felt better mentally.

I watched the announcement of 16.2 (the second workout of the crossfit open) and made the decision to drive to the box the next day.

Toes to Bar, Double Unders, and Squat Cleans. I can do TTB and DU…. but I cannot yet link them efficiently. I really needed a good workout more than I needed a good score, so I decided to do the scaled version. One wonderful thing about being my age, is that Crossfit HQ gives us a little break in the Open Workouts. Age 55-59, the scaled version called for sit-ups and single unders as well as lighter weights for the cleans.

Imagine my surprise when I made it to the final round. 105 Pound Squat Cleans…. A year ago, I could have easily finished the 7 reps for a score of 430. But, out of shape, weak, and huffing and puffing for all I was worth, I tried and failed 4 times before I finally hit one good rep for a score of 424.

I’m not where I want to be right now, but I think I am back on the right path.

I love Crossfit and I am NOT competing in the Open.

Posted by Splashfit on February 26, 2015
Posted in: Motivation. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

I have not written a blog post in a long time. I would like to offer an explanation of sorts. I am treading water in my personal life, and the blog has fallen to the bottom of the priority list.   Rest assured dear friends, my fitness is still a priority.  The ladies group is going strong and growing in numbers, and my obsession with health, fitness, and now Crossfit is alive and well.

justdoitI know it is crazy.  This obsession that I have with all things Crossfit.  Truly it is in my head at the MOST inappropriate times (I won’t elaborate, but trust me on this).  It is in my head all of the time.   I have been a member of a Crossfit box for just over a year now.   During that time, my body has performed athletic feats that I never dreamed possible.

This qualifies as a "before" shot. I actually got bigger than this before I hit bottom.

This qualifies as a “before” shot. I actually got bigger than this before I hit bottom.

Striving to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit

Striving to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit

For a former fat girl who just 5 years ago weighed in at 217 and 49 percent body fat, the things that I am doing with my body are no less than miraculous.   Pullups.  Strict freaking pullups.  Kipping pullups, Toes to Bar, Knees to Elbow.  Okay, I am no master of these skills, but I can do them.  This to me is miraculous.  There is something so special about the Crossfit community and friendly competition that thrives there.  I am inspired all the time to push harder, run faster, and lift heavier.

Today is the day that Crossfit Headquarters will announce the first of 5 workouts that constitute the Crossfit Open. (If there is a snowball’s chance in um, you know where, that you don’t know about the Open, It is the first in a step of competitions that lead to the Crossfit Games)  The Open is really cool because a  little “Ms. Nobody” like me can compete against absolutely everyone.  There are no other sports that I know of where an absolute neophyte is allowed to compete against the elites.   Let me clarify here, I have absolutely no chance of winning.  Never in a million years, it just is not in the cards for me.  That being said, there is this little spark of a childhood fantasy that lives in the dark recesses of my mind.   In my fantasy, I will compete and emerge from the shadows a victor.  I will surpass everyone’s expectations of me.  I will prove my doubters wrong, even if the biggest detractor is me.   That for me, sums up the magic of the Crossfit Open.   I am as excited as anybody to watch the workouts as they are revealed.  I will grunt and push and pull alongside everyone else at my box trying to get through the workouts, but this year I will not compete.

So, why not me.  Why not compete this year? Truth? My desire to compete has been eclipsed by too much going on in my life.

1.  We were burned out in the WA wildfires last year, and are in the process of building a new home.

2. I am a full time caregiver for an aging relative who is currently in hospice care and needs 24/7 monitoring.

3. My dog (yes, really) has gone blind and lost the use of her hind legs this past year.   This means incontinence and diapers and using a wheelchair for her.  Very high maintenance and difficult to leave her alone.

I am a big proponent of the philosophy that you will make time for the things that are important to you.  If it is not important, you will make excuses.    The truth is, if I wanted to compete in the Open badly enough, I would find a way. At this point, still being fairly new to the sport (yes it is a sport), and with so many distractions stealing my focus, I am choosing to wait.

With all the facebook and pinterest “fitspo” telling me that I suck if I choose to make my life outside of the gym a priority, that is precisely what I am going to do.  You know what?  It is okay.  It is my life, my choice.  If I am lucky, the Crossfit Open will be waiting for me next year.  That little spark of fantasy is not dead within me.  It lives and burns brightly encouraging me to keep on keeping on.

But, at 5pm tonight, along with all of my crazy Crossfitting compatriots, I will be glued to the net, watching the announcement of the first workout in the 2015 Open.

 

3 Devils in Paradise

Posted by Splashfit on June 14, 2014
Posted in: Active Play, Running, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

3 Devils In ParadiseI don’t know exactly what sleeping dragon is lurking deep within my psyche that demands I bite off more than I can reasonably chew, but it is there and it has been there for quite some time. It really comes as no surprise that I am once again contemplating an athletic endeavor that at the very least seems improbable and at the worst, might just be impossible.

It started last year as a joke. We were planning a backpacking trip for my birthday. I flippantly blurted out, “how cool would it be if we hiked 52 miles on my 52nd birthday?” My partner in crime just shook his head, but I really think that I started a little bit of “I wonder if I could” for him as well. Last year, a late start combined with a torrential downpour and hypothermia inducing conditions relegated this silly little idea to the back of my mind along with all of the other unreasonable fantasies that I’ve been harboring. This one was  just waiting for the right set of circumstances to set things in motion.

In early April, I was goofing off with my computer, and I decided to try and map out a little 53 mile route.   Google Earth can be an awesome thing!   In keeping with my thematic ideal, not only does my proposed route include 53 miles, but approx 5300 feet of elevation gain as well!  Once I had the proposed route mapped, Google Earth allowed me to do a “fly over” of the route.   This just got me excited (a little nauseated too). more than i can chew We drove the route, and began planning logistics with regard to water and food caches, and here is the big thing… I posted my intention on facebook.  Publicly announcing my lunacy to the “world” as I know it.  Declaring my intention gave this event some substance.  I began to receive encouragement and positive feedback from my peers. The proverbial “snowball” began its downhill roll, gaining size and momentum along the way. Once I began putting energy into this event, the Universe began to conspire to make it happen. I was planning this atrocity, and things began to fall into place.  It became a “when” rather than an “if”. Training There is now one week left before this event.   In retrospect, I am undoubtedly “under-trained” for this monstrosity.  Our longest training hike/run has been 30 miles. But, at this point, it will be what it will be.  Since we have established a 24 hour time cap for this event, we are planning to “power walk” up the hills, and jog or walk the flats and downhill sections.   In addition to the long weekend training sessions, I have been logging 4 days per week at the gym and including shorter run and bike sessions during the weekdays. I know that there are a lot of people out there competing in the “ultra marathon” gruel fests, and doing so with ease, but I fully expect that this will lay me flat… splay me open… and expose the inner demons that I don’t necessarily want to face.   Me against the clock.   Will my body crack first or will it be my mind?

Just four years ago, on my 49th birthday, I weighed over 200 pounds and I had given up on life. Happiness, hopes,  dreams, and goals, those things were for other people.  I had convinced myself that I would have no more grand experiences. I was done with that.  Well folks, as they say, “it ain’t over til the fat lady sings”, and this lady ain’t fat no more!!!!

In eleven days, I will celebrate 53 years of awesomeness on this little blue rock we call home.   In just 7 days, I will be attempting to beat the clock and propel myself 53 miles with 5300 feet of elevation gain in 24 hours.   Wish me luck!

I am a Fraud

Posted by Splashfit on June 1, 2014
Posted in: Motivation, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , . 1 Comment

Please don’t put me on a pedestal.

I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day.  She shared with me some struggles that she was having with regard to her self-esteem and  that she was working on overcoming these issues.   With her permission, this is how the conversation went:

Friend: I've been in counseling, been working on the whole self-esteem thing, and it has been good. It was a lot of my problem, the acceptance that "I am worth it". It's a work in progress...for sure. Not quite sure how I got side-tracked into not thinking great things about myself, and always thinking other people could do this stuff, but not me...I'm glad to just be finally working my way through the issues!
 Me: Damn self esteem issues... I gottem too. Hate that negative crap that tries to rule my brain... sounds like you are going in the right direction.
Friend: It's looking up for sure, a lot better than a few months ago! Lol
Friend: It's hard for me to see you even having that kind of problems! You are a great inspiration of mine. I brag on your efforts ALL the time. Just think it's so awesome how you strive for better and better from your body!
That was brag...haha!
Me: Glad to hear you're doing better. This is a truth that you need to hear... WE ALL have that kind of problem. If people say they don't .... well, I think they are lying
So this conversation with a friend got me thinking about things.   I wanted to write this blog to help others overcome some of the stumbling blocks I have faced on my journey from fat to fit, but also to help keep me accountable and gain a support network of my own to keep me on track on my health and wellness journey.


Truth:  I haven’t posted a blog entry for nearly six months.  I look at my blog “boneyard”…. the control panel where dead blog entries accumulate, and there are nearly twenty entries that I have begun and not finished.  When I look inside for an answer to the “why”, my truth is  that I don’t always feel so healthy on the inside and that is a roadblock for me.   How can I preach self-esteem and healthy choices when my brain is trying to convince me to self-destruct?  There it is… I feel like a fraud.


This qualifies as a "before" shot.  I actually got bigger than this before I hit bottom.
This qualifies as a “before” shot. I actually got bigger than this before I hit bottom.


Striving to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit
Striving to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit




Above you can see my “before” and “after” shots.  Along the journey from fat to fit, I have undergone emotional and mental changes.  For the most part, I am much happier, and my self-hatred is in check…. for the most part.   Here is the thing,  The physical transformation does help with the emotional and spiritual aspect, but it does NOT HEAL THEM AUTOMATICALLY.   So, for those of you who are telling yourselves, that if you only lost weight, then life would be perfect.  I have to break it to you, that it is not that simple.






I have huge issues with food.  My natural tendency is to eat for comfort, for boredom, to relieve stress, to celebrate, to hide, and even to punish myself.  There are times when I just HATE food.  If I could forego this “healthy choices” crap, and just take an injection every day with the proper nutrients, I would totally go for it.  This is a big part of why I feel that even though I have training in proper diet and exercise, I am a fraud.  My relationship with myself, my self-love, my relationship with food, and even my relationship with exercise feels at times completely and totally insane.  I do not have all of the answers.  I suffer from self doubt.  I have negative self talk. I still see a fat girl when I look in the mirror.






I look at the current “love your body” movement that seems to be taking the world by storm, and I wonder… do these people really have self-love for their bodies? Regardless of size?   Do these people really have this apparent monumental amount of self esteem?  Do these people never doubt themselves?  Do they never question their own motives and always make the right and healthy choices? Do they never say things they regret?  Do they ever think thoughts that are self destructive or negative?   I believe that I/we, hold ourselves up to an impossible standard.  Whether we are  comparing our bodies to the photoshopped and eating disordered models that bombard our consciousness constantly, or we are comparing ourselves to those wonderful writers in this  new age of healthy bloggers… I hold myself (and maybe you do too) to this fantasy image of always making the right choices, always having good motives, always striving to be better, always accepting and loving ourselves the way we are.   Well, I for one, CANNOT freaking do it.  I just can’t.  I wish I could, but I can’t. I am not perfect, and I judge myself.






So I’m feeling that I need to make a positive spin on the above emotional regurgitation, so here goes… Most days I am winning the battle.  Key point, for me, it is a battle.  I applaud those of you who can successfully eat intuitively and enjoy sweets and treats in moderation.  Unfortunately, today, I cannot successfully and healthfully employ that strategy.  For me today, it is a battle.  For me today, I must be mindful of every item that I put in my mouth.  If you are fighting and if you struggle, I want you to know, that you are not alone.  How often do we look at another person, whether it be a friend, relative, or even a fitness professional, and judge our insides against their outsides?






I have been at my goal weight for over two years.  I am fit and live a fun and active lifestyle. From the outside, I am sure to some folks, it looks like I have all the answers and have everything all figured out.  Truthfully, I do have a lot of great information and I’m sure that it helps me stay on track, but even today,  the biggest stumbling block in my fitness journey, is me.






I understand the benefit of staying positive, but life is real, raw, and painful, and sometimes I just don’t feel positive. So, please don’t envy me. Pray for me, encourage me, pat me on the back… but don’t make the mistake of thinking I am any better than you are, regardless of where you are on your journey toward fitness and health.   We all suffer, we all feel pain, and if we lift each other up and support one another, we may be able to lighten the load.






This is me.  This is real.  Today, I am not a fraud.











	


	

							



	

					
You Don’t Know Squat
				

			Posted by Splashfit on December 18, 2013
					


		

						Posted in: Motivation, Technique, Uncategorized, Workouts.			
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girl lift“To tell you the truth, you girls are scaring me to death.”  This is the response I got today when I asked the dude behind the counter at our local gym, to spot me for a  barbell back squat.   Say what?    Yes, I suppose it would be much more lady like for us to bandy about with little 2 pound dumbells and ankle weights, all while sticking to the elliptical, treadmill, and nautilus machines like good little girls should.


Lifting weights and training is something that I absolutely love to do.  I’ve been a gym rat since I was in my twenties. I studied this in college, I am not a neophyte with regard to all things gym related.  Today, when faced with “Mr. Scaredy Pants,” I felt like I stepped back into the 1950’s or ventured into some para-military organization where women are to be coddled, resented and not encouraged.    It shocked me when I received negative feedback about my efforts, and I have to admit to having just a little bit of an emotional meltdown.   I was trying to push my envelope, and I got slapped down… and it made my head steam.   What was it I was just saying about checking my ego at the door?  It is one thing to be corrected by a coach who is supporting me to be my best; it is quite another thing to be chastised by somebody who dishes bad advice and clearly does not want to see a lady pushing heavy weight.   The first really does put my ego in check,  but the second, well it just flat out makes me mad.


Back_SquatI had the bar loaded up with 135 pounds.   As I was preparing to squat, instead of standing ready to help should I fail,  the “dude” was taking the weight off the bar.   I stopped and said, “dude, don’t take the weight.”  I tried to squat again… and yet again, said dude is NOT SPOTTING me, he is taking the freaking weight.  Really?  WTF, dude, can you just spot me?  “I don’t want you to touch me or the weight unless I ask you to”.   He says to me, “stare at the ceiling”  you won’t do this lift right unless you are staring at the ceiling.   Again… WTF?   This is contrary to what I have been taught.  At this point, I have to just smile, nod, pump out a few reps and get away from “front desk dude”.


If you have questions about where to look during a squat, just perform a quick google search regarding squatting and staring at the ceiling, and this pretty much makes my point:  Looking at the ceiling during a squat is a DON’T!


“Where You Should NOT Look During Squats. NOT at The Ceiling. Hyper-extending your cervical spine increases risks of spinal discs injuries. It also shifts the weight to your heels which can make you lose balance, and it will make you lose hip power.”   (Stronglifts.com) 


Not only is this guy not spotting me correctly, but he is giving me bad technical advice.  


From another website:


Doug Berninger is a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS) through the National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA), holding a Master’s degree in Kinesiology from Bowling Green State University.  In an article titled, “5 Misconceptions in the Squat” Doug goes on to say:


“Squatting Misconception 5  –  Look to the Ceiling When You Squat


I’ll make this quick. Think about sitting in a chair and tilting your head to the ceiling as hard as possible. Hurt a little? Exactly! Why would you do that with a load on your back? Yes, you do want to have your eyes up because the body follow the eyes, but your head position can, and should, remain relatively neutral. This is more spine-friendly, while still allowing your posture to remain intact.”


Back to the gym…


It is really difficult for me to focus on executing the correct form when “front desk dude’s” hands and arms are in really bizarre places. All I can do is watch the “wonky” way he is not spotting me.  Seriously dude, slap me across the face if I ever have a relapse in judgement and decide to ask you for a spot.


I’m not entirely sure why my emotional response to this lack of support was so strong , but perhaps it is because  training is one of the few things that I have in my life that is mine; that I love; and that makes me feel alive.   I have been making progress in a forward direction and it feels great.   I am excited to go to the gym and push my limits. I am excited to see where I can go. So, perhaps with that in mind, it is easier to understand my less than glowing feeling toward some misogynistic neanderthal who is trying to send me back to aerobics class. It absolutely rubbed me hard in the wrong way.


I’ve been training at the Crossfit Box in a nearby town, and I was having a bit of a dilemma deciding just how often  I should make the trek to the box, and how often should I be satisfied to train at the gym that is just a few blocks from my house.   Judging from the response we got this morning at my local gym, it seems that more often than I initially imagined, I will be making the 45 minute trek to the Crossfit Box .


Emotions once again in check, I must remember that this is life.  We all experience ups and downs.  We all experience joy and sadness, gain and loss, failure and success.  Having embarrassed myself with the intensity of my emotions this morning, I did “suck it up”.  I apologized to those in the nearby vicinity and explained that I was also experiencing a loss in my personal life, and that my emotions were out of line for the situation.   I left the gym in tears this morning, and I have to admit to feeling very ridiculous and not strong.


Remember this thing:  Just because somebody is sitting behind the counter at the gym does not necessarily mean that they can dish out good advice on anything.  If something seems “out there”, please check for accuracy.  It is always shocking to me that in a business where clients can vote for you or against you with their dollar, that said business will not do everything in its power to encourage your dollar to stay with them.    So, while I don’t enjoy driving an extra hour and a half to and from my workouts, the support and encouragement that I receive while at the gym with the less desirable location, will in the end, be getting my vote and my dollars.


Given the choice, would you go to a place where you were criticized, shamed, and discouraged?  Or would you go to a place where you were lifted up, challenged and encouraged to go further, dig deeper,  and get stronger?   Yep, me too.  sumoSo, ladies, stand up with me and dare to scare the poor chauvinists in the gym.  Maybe we don’t know squat, but I do know where I will  get the most value for my dollar.

	


	

							



	

					
Check Your Ego at the Door…
				

			Posted by Splashfit on December 9, 2013
					


		

						Posted in: Motivation, Uncategorized.			
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1dizzy1There is nothing sweeter than the taste of success, and conversely one might say that failure is a bitter pill to swallow.  Almost anybody who is alive and breathing has seen meme after meme extolling the virtue of succeeding via “getting up one more time than you fall down”, “never giving up”, blah, blah blah, blah blah…   and while these virtues are completely and totally true, when I am in the midst of scraping myself up off of the floor, it is sometimes very difficult for me to keep my eye on the prize and not want to scream and rip and tear these stinking “susie sunshine platitudes” into shreds.  After all, we are all chasing that elusive little sparkle called success.   I have found that in the process of moving forward, I sometimes need to wallow in the feelings of a bruised ego, I have to feel embarrassed, and I have to doubt my ability to ever succeed.   While these feelings are not very pleasant at the moment they hit me, I have to say this out loud:  They are a normal part of the process of getting from failure to success.


girl liftFor the past three weeks, I have been attending a Crossfit class, three days per week .   This class is basically an introduction to Olympic Lifting, as well as to the intensity that has become associated with a Crossfit workout of the day or (WOD).   I have no problem with the intensity, in fact, I LOVE IT! However, some of the Olympic lifts are giving me out and out terrors. There is one little  lift that is absolutely kicking my ass. Yes, folks, my “snatch” sucks eggs.    This lift involves pulling a barbell from the ground, and throwing it up over your head, locking out your arms, and dropping into a squat underneath the bar.   Now, when practicing this lift for form with a piece of pvc pipe, it’s all sunshine and butterflies…. add the barbell, and my form goes to “H E Double Toothpicks”.  In fact, when I tried this lift on my own at my gym the other day, I absolutely could not execute this lift with proper form.


Today in class, we worked on this lift.   When it came time to add weight, although I was scared, I grabbed a lightweight barbell and gave it a whirl.    I actually had slightly better results today than I did last week; however, when we were in the midst of an AMRAP (As Many Reps As Possible) workout, and the coach told me to put away the barbell and go with a pvc for the remainder of the workout, I have to admit that my ego took a serious lashing. I like to believe that I have my ego in check most of the time, but I have to admit that as I was swapping out the barbell for the lighter piece of pvc pipe, the color of humiliation and embarrassment was rising on my cheeks.  Ouch.  Was the coach right to do this?  Absolutely!   Was my form going to crap?  Yes it was… Does that mean it didn’t sting?  NO, I have to tell you that it stung plenty.


So, I pick myself up, dust off my bruised ego, and carry on. I almost left the gym without incurring further damage to my already deflated self esteem, when after the workout, the coach took me aside and said that he wanted to work with me on my lunge.   One  big thing that is emphasized in Crossfit and Olympic lifting, is external knee rotation.  I don’t have it. I have never used it, and it is a constant challenge to remember to push my knees outward. I know that the coach is trying to help me, and he has a lot of good information and helpful advice, but today, I just felt spanked.  I felt not good enough. I felt unsuccessful.


In the car on the way home, I found that I was berating myself.  I should have done this. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have said this. I should have kept my mouth shut about that.  I had just come from a good workout and a great learning experience, I should feel great.  Yet, I was allowing myself to become lost and wallow in the negative.  (Does it sound like I’m whining?  Here is where this post is going to change…)


cryingSometimes, in order to get beyond the self doubt and self pity, I just have to allow myself to wallow for a short time.  Eventually, the absurdity of my emotional response will creep into my awareness, and I somehow manage to shake it off and move forward.  So, what do you think? Will I let this little emotional meltdown derail me?   Will I go home and eat cookies and ice cream to soothe my battered ego?  Will I decide that I’m not good enough and quit trying altogether? Absolutely not.   Will I go back to the Crossfit gym on Monday with renewed energy and enthusiasm ready to give it one more try?   Yes, I absolutely will.


Falling down is part of succeeding.   There is no sweetness to a success if there is not a series of failed attempts and growing experiences that lead to that pinnacle.   So, did I fail today?   In some ways I did.  I failed. I could not execute the movement as directed. However, here is the takeaway message from this day:    I absolutely did succeed today. I felt the emotional let down of not achieving a goal, but I learned.   I felt some shame and some embarrassment, but it will not stop me. I will use it as a tool to inspire me to learn.   I will shake it off and I will try again. I am open to learning and I constantly strive to keep my ego in check and remain teachable.


I would love to hear from anybody who has suggestions on how to healthfully overcome negative emotions.   This is the hardest part of my battle.   Writing down my thoughts and feelings helps to take the “crazy” out of the dark recesses of my mind, and allows me to view my thought processes in the light of day.   Admitting to you, and to my support group that my ego took a bashing, while it may not seem a prudent thing to do,  completely took away the power of that negative emotion.


For me, this is not just a lesson for “Crossfit”, this is a lesson for life.  As I prepare to enter the final week of this Crossfit class, I am choosing to focus on what I can learn, and as always,  I will try to remember to check my ego at the door.

	


	

							



	

					
The Bear
				

			Posted by Splashfit on November 6, 2013
					


		

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The Bear


Power Clean,  Front Squat, Push Press, Rear Squat, Push Press, and done… sounds easy right? HA!   This series of exercises comprise “The Bear” or “The Bear Complex”    I’ve always included Power Cleans and Push Presses in my workouts. This complex seemed a wonderful little way to jazz it up a bit and increase the difficulty of the exercise.   I am not wrong about that; however, this is harder than it looks.


girl liftInspired by watching you-tube videos of this exercise, I decided to give it a go myself.   As there are no mirrors anywhere, I decide to set the video camera to film myself and watch my form.   I walk up to the bar, squat behind it, and with a nice strong flat back, I grip the bar and take a deep and cleansing breath.   1…. 2…. 3…. GO!  In slow motion, here are the elements of the complex as I performed them:  Deadlift, check, shrug, check, drop and catch, check, front squat, check, push press, check…. and this is where things started to get ugly.    As I attempt to bring the bar behind my head in order to perform the back squat and the push press from behind my neck, it seems that my big old gigantic head has absolutely no intention of getting out of the way.   I was able to complete a couple of shaky repetitions; however, I had only completed three rounds, when as I dipped my knees  with the bar behind my neck  and powerfully exploded my hips and my shoulders up for the push press, my head was instantly filled with the resounding clang of the barbell smashing into the base of my skull.   Lord have mercy!    Don’t forget, I had video of this, and it is not pretty!


From what I understand about Olympic lifting (which admittedly is not a lot), technique and form play an enormous role in successfully and safely completing the lifts.   When I was studying training in school, we touched on Olympic lifts, but never really focused on correct form.   It became very very clear to me today, that I don’t have it, and I need help.


For some time, I have heard tales of Crossfit workouts and Crossfit gyms, or “boxes” as they are called.     As I daily scour the internet, searching for new and interesting twists on old exercises to incorporate in my workouts, Crossfit comes to play more often than not.     A different and high intensity approach to fitness, the Crossfit gyms don’t have machines, rather the focus is more towards combining  Olympic lifting, powerlifting, gymnastics, running and rowing to create a workout that is always different, functional (the way your body naturally moves), and always intense.


My sheer and utter failure at performing “the bear complex” sent one message to me loud and clear, I need instruction.   If I want to be able to do these more intensive complex movements, I need coaching on form and technique.    It bears mentioning, that there is no Crossfit box in my town.   I had always assumed that the closest gym was in Spokane (nearly 3 hours from me).


I need to go to Seattle next week, and I have decided to contact a gym while I am there.   I got online to find the gym closest to my parents house, and I made an amazing discovery.   There is a Crossfit gym in Chelan.   While this is not in my town, it is just about 30 miles away.   This is completely doable.


I have decided to go.  I will check it out for myself.    I must admit to being just a little bit afraid.   The doubts and excuses run rampant through my mind. This crazy internal dialog is going something like this: “Will I be the oldest person there?”  “Will I be the only one who can’t do a hundred pullups or handstand pushups?” “What if I cannot do any of it?”  “What if my knees and shoulders hold me back?”   “What if they laugh at me?”


Take a deep breath.   My fears are not reality.   They are phantoms of what might be, but also what might not  be.    Here in town, they call me “Ms. Fitness”, but I am human.  I am a real person, with fear, anxiety, weakness, and a bit of an ego.   They say that you cannot change what you do not acknowledge.   Here I am.   This is me.   I will take the first step.

	


	

							



	

					
Max the stack… Beast Mode
				

			Posted by Splashfit on October 29, 2013
					


		

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beastAs the big burly dude at the gym looked in my direction, he watched my set and then growled at me, “Beast Mode”.  As I was in the middle of a heavy set, I could only grunt in response, but I’m certain that my chest  swelled with pride and a tiny little smile tickled the corners of my lips.  We may not be “crossfit” devotees, but we are definitely beasts!   I live in one of the few towns on the planet that does not have a “crossfit box” in the nearby vicinity, and truthfully, I really wish there was one closer as I could  use some help with the form on my clean,  but our workouts of late, have definitely been of the “beastly” variety, and I love it!


maxedThis week is the fourth in our lift heavy strength progression. Today we finally maxed out the weight stack on the leg press machine!  Now before you go getting all holier than thou regarding free weights vs. machines,  I weigh less than 1/3 the amount that we are lifting ….  I have some concerns regarding safely spotting each other while squatting beneath that load.  There are those who argue that if you squat within a rack, you don’t need a spotter, and maybe that is true to a degree, but I wanted the satisfaction and ease of going heavy with little or no safety risk involved.   Don’t get me wrong, I love squats and complex fully body movement exercises, but I am also a little bit old school and I do like to train with machines from time to time.


In any case, here are the workouts for the week:


Splashfit Tuesday
Elliptical warm up 10 minutes
 Elliptical ladder 5x 4 minutes
Superset x 4
 Leg press 15x310, 10x350, 390, 410
 Stiff leg deadlifts 10x 90
 One legged chair squats. X 10 each leg
 Wall sit x 1:00 minute
 Wall facing squats x 50
 Squats with lateral leg lift x 50
 Jumping alternating lunges x 30
 One leg lateral jumps x 50
 Jumping alternating lunges x 30
Superset x 4
 Seated calf raise 10x 70
 Straight leg calf raise 10x 230
Accordian crunches x 30
Reverse crunch with leg raise x 30

Splashfit Thursday
5 minute warm up
10 minute Bike (1 min intervals: hard / easy)
10 minute rowing (1 min "
10 minute treadmill (1 min "
Superset x 3
Jumping Pullups 21, 15, 9
Barbell Power Clean, Press, Squat, Press 30 x 10
Alternating Plank / T-stand Pushups x 10
Superset x 3
Seated Cable Row  3 x 110 lb
Military Press 3 x 90 lb
Chest Press 3 x 130 lb
Chest flye 3 x 70 lb
Superset x 3
Tricep Rope press down 3 x 45 lb
Cossack Bench Dips x 20
3 sets alternating front shoulder raises


I’ve posted workouts with the hope that maybe we will inspire some to join us, and/or give you some new ideas to punch up your fitness routine.  I love to scour the internet and find different ways to combine exercises.   One of the most important things in my overall fitness plan is to continually change things up.   I would love to hear if anybody finds these posts useful.   I sometimes wonder if I am writing this blog entirely for the entertainment of my mother…. (and on that note, I guess I should say, “thanks Mom, at least I know somebody is reading this!”)